Sex Tips for Women to Ignite Passion in Men


As a couples therapist, one of the things I see so often in relationships is disconnection regarding sex and physical intimacy. I get it. It's weird to talk about sometimes. In the realm of intimacy, understanding the desires and needs of your partner is critical to fostering a fulfilling connection. When it comes to men, there are a few little tips that can add an extra spark to your intimate moments. We tend to think of men as the sex-crazed animals that rarely think of anything else, while women spend their time fending off clumsy and often hurtful advances, but that's not always the case. In fact, about 20% of the time, it is reversed. It's not weird, I promise. Let's delve into some sex tips for women that focus on making men feel desired, appreciated, and engaged in the journey of passion.

Men Want to be Desired Too

It's a common misconception that only women desire affirmation and attention in the bedroom, while men need to work out their animal lust. Just like women, men crave a sense of being wanted and desired. Expressing your desire for him, both verbally and physically, can create an atmosphere of intimacy that goes beyond the physical act itself. Compliments, suggestive glances, and affectionate touches can go a long way in making your partner feel desired. Enhancing his self-esteem and confidence in himself as a loved and desired man will often lead to more significant efforts to meet your physical or emotional needs.

Keep it Simple – Do What He Likes

Stay with me; it's not what you think. While men and women both appreciate variety and spice, simplicity can be just as powerful in the bedroom. Sometimes, doing things you know he likes without overcomplicating them can be incredibly satisfying for both of you. On both sides of this particular table, I see couples overwhelm themselves by getting more creative than they need to, and that can suck the fun right out of it. By going over-the-top, trying to make a grand statement with the sexy outfit, 36 candles, and getting the music just right, you're exhausted and less interested, and he is now feeling the pressure to deliver a particular experience that makes it all worth the effort for you. Pay attention to his preferences, whether it's a particular position, a certain touch, or a favorite activity or fantasy. Incorporating these elements into your intimate moments shows that you are attuned to his desires, creating a more connected experience. 

Make Your Initiations Obvious:  

Here's a big one! I see this a lot in my sessions. Let's look at the tapes of this purely hypothetical scenario. The names were changed to protect the sexually frustrated.

Harry: "She never initiates sex. It's always me, and I am usually shot down."

Sally: "I initiate all the time. What are you even talking about?"

Harry: "Seriously? Name one time."

Sally: "Twice this week! We were lying in bed watching Netflix. I leaned over and started scratching your head just the way you like. Earlier that same day, I went heavy on that perfume you got me for Christmas. It was the one you say is 'irresistible,' and I kept walking by you and flirting."

Harry: "How am I supposed to catch those things?"  

Sound familiar? What do you think happened? Initiating sex can be a shared responsibility, and making it obvious can be an exciting and empowering move. Men appreciate when their partners take the lead, and being clear about your intentions can eliminate uncertainty. Phrases like "I want you right here, right now," or "come with me if you wanna get weird," can be very enticing. Whether through flirtatious gestures, seductive whispers, or bold actions, expressing your desire in a way that leaves no room for misinterpretation can be a turn-on for both of you.

Recap the Experience the Next Day  

To be fair, this one might be a little more tricky. Communication is crucial in any relationship, and the same holds true for your intimate moments. Taking the time to recap the experience the next day can strengthen your connection and it might even be a little fun. Share your thoughts and feelings, express what you enjoyed, and ask about his experience. Here are a couple of examples. "You remember when I did that thing with my toes last night? Did you like that? It was kind of embarrassing but I just went with it!" "That thing you did with your fingers was new. I liked it. If you do a little twist at the end, I think that would really be hot." This open dialogue enhances understanding and sets the stage for continuous exploration and improvement in your intimate connection. Even talking about sex like this can be a turn-on so if you're looking for another round the next morning, this is a great way to get there. However, if that's not what you're looking for, it might be a good idea to hold off and send some sexy texts at lunch.  

Break Free from Traditional Roles  

In pursuing a healthy and balanced intimate relationship, it's important not to get stuck in traditional roles. Break free from the norms of being either the pursuer or the withdrawer. Believe it or not, not all men are sex-crazed pursuers, and not all women are sexual withdrawers. It's probably more like 80/20. Embrace a dynamic and flexible approach where both partners feel empowered to express their desires. This role shift can lead to a more satisfying and mutually fulfilling sexual connection.


Navigating the intricate dance of intimacy requires effort, communication, and a willingness to explore each other's desires. By incorporating these sex tips for women, centered around making men feel desired and appreciated, you can create an atmosphere of passion and connection that transcends the physical act of sex. Remember, the key is to embrace open communication, be attuned to your partner's preferences, and foster an environment where both partners feel empowered to express their desires.

For men, this article might be helpful: Unlocking Intimacy: Tips for Men about Women

If you're ready to tackle intimacy in your relationship, couples therapy is a perfect place to do that. Challenges in sexual engagement is more common than you think, and I help couples every day find their bedroom voice. Call me or click the link below if you'd like to talk more about it.